For those of you who have been regular followers of my blog and instagram, you may have noticed that I have taken a step away from everything. Only a few weeks before I stopped posting I had really ramped up my presence online. I had new affiliate deals, I created a facebook page and changed over my Twitter handle to match the rest of the Riri's Discoveries content. I was feeling 100% invested in this project...
When I was growing up I always said I would save the world from climate change Monday - Friday and personal train on the weekends. After a rocky start to my studies in earth and ocean sciences it seemed like the the obvious direction to go was to make what was supposed to be my weekend hobby - into my full time career.
As I began to understand the fitness & nutrition world more I recognized changes in myself. Self-doubt was replaced by confidence. The mental health issues I struggled with for so long were finally under control and I found a way to use that darkness to bring positivity, and a sensitive approach, to other people's struggles. I became infatuated with the power of knowledge and understanding one's self as a tool to improve the quality of life of everyone.
So I studied fitness and health and did extremely well because I was passionate about it. Then I became a certified trainer, started working as a personal trainer and directed the overflow of passionate energy into my instagram page and this very blog. Somewhere along the way that fire was put out.
Over the last few weeks I have watched myself lose grip on my eating habits, succumbing more and more often to the temptations around me. I have had the thought pass through my mind that I was bound to fuck this all up, because that's what I always do. Go ahead, order uber eats for the third time in a row - who cares. For some time I have been feeling like I can hardly enjoy my workouts in the gym because I always feel rushed. I need to get home in time to eat a good breakfast and really make the most of my free time before going into work.
Don't get me wrong. I love being a personal trainer. I have met some truly incredible people and have had the opportunity to watch as people experience what I experienced when I took control on my health and well being, but the demands of showing up to work and being this picture of good health has taken its toll on me. I felt as though I was letting down my clients and fellow trainers. I wondered if they could see the spiralling. I found situations and people to blame for the unhappy mindset I created for myself.
One of the pivotal moments in my life was when I had what was basically a stranger - express that I was capable of anything I wanted to achieve. I just had to go out there and do what it would take to get it. They showed a trust and belief in my abilities that got me out of a multi-year rut. It was the first time in a long time that I wasn't viewed as the university drop out, or the girl with mental health issues, and that I was told that I could decide how my future would unfold.
There are certainly aspects of my life right now that I am unhappy with, and unfortunately my ability to change those things has consequences that would make it tough to pay the rent. So instead of focusing on how frustrating that is, I've decided to create places for happiness to flourish in my life. Create some good so the bad doesn't seem so bad. Design a life that leaves me feeling fulfilled and energized every day, so that my identity and my enjoyment of life does not come from just one source. Yes - I am a personal trainer, but I can also be so much more than that and it doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
So where have I been the last few weeks? Well I've been living in a world where I let the weather get me down, where I let people's off-handed comments discourage me, and where I compare myself to social media standards. It's not fun and I am tired of being in this mental space.
I want to bring back my optimism and positivity and share with you my passion for changing what is wrong and sad in this world. I want you to see that there are small things we can do every day to make life a little more enjoyable. I hope that through my multi-disciplinary pursuits you will recognize that there is so much more in life than the job you have or the education you receive.
It's time to do something good for your body & mind. If you cannot find happiness in this world, then create it.
Riri's Discoveries blog documents Riri's most recent research, her travel adventures, and her personal fitness journey.